If I were elected to office …

I’d run extensive government advertising until everybody in Australia understood that less than 4% of asylum seekers in Australia arrive by boat, and that of those, the vast majority (>90%) are found to be genuine refugees. After the advertising campaign I’d cut off people’s access to shock jock radio and tabloid journalism until they could score 100% in a test that demonstrates their knowledge of these numbers.

Knowing the facts about asylum seekers. Always a good idea. Vote 1. Me.

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #35]

If I were elected to office …

I’d ban the use of the phrase “moving forward”. Honestly, what was Julia thinking using it 36 times in a 31 minute speech? Did nobody review it beforehand, or were they afraid of saying anything bad?

Vote for me and “moving forward” would be gone, banished to the lowest depths of perdition along with “working families” and “taxpayers’ dollars”. In fact what I’d do is implant a monitoring device into each politician that feeds all their utterances into supercomputer that monitors for excessive use of catchphrases, slogans or soundbites. Too many mentions of “moving forward” or “fullness of time” or “X has my full support” and the politician would be sin-binned, by being denied any contact with the media for 48hrs.

Good hey? Vote 1. Me.

Update 18 Jul 2010:  Listening to the radio today it seems that the Labor Party is thoroughly unrepentant over its blatant catchphrasitis. It seems to me that just as in Rugby League there are various scales of punishment, that in politics flagrant and persistent offenders (Melbourne Storm scale) should have their prime ministerships stripped from them.

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #34]

Now that the election campaign is officially on, over the next few weeks I’ll be posting a series of blogs outlining what I’d do if elected to government.

If I were elected to office …

I would legislate that all renovation/home improvement/gardening/infotainment TV programs must be shown in real time. No more installing your own Feng Shui solar powered herbal essence jacuzzi within a 3 minute TV segment. No, it would have to be a season long directors cut extended version showing everything, from the haggling with family members over colour schemes, wrestling with spreadsheets to estimate quantities and pricing, multiple trips to multitudinous vendors to acquire the necessary supplies and tools, the weeks of waiting for the weather to co-operate, the hours of grueling manual labour, and most especially the ever irksome job of cleaning up afterwards.If I were elected to office, no more would the alluring and honeyed tones of overpaid TV presenters deceive us with 3 minute installations of Turkish gazebos, organic chook sheds, or oriental tie-dyed yoga hammocks. In my hands Australia would be saved from this odious form of unreality TV.

Vote 1. Me.

Christopher Webb – I cast my vote in thy general direction

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #33]