I was walking in town the other day past some traffic lights when a driver at the front of the queue must have got distracted and didn’t move off when the lights went green. The driver behind gave them a friendly wake-up toot on the horn. I know it was friendly because it was the merest infinitesimal toot, not a protracted drawn out kind of toot that is precursor to violent road rage. We seem to have a fairly well understood convention that the length of car horn toot is proportional to aggression.

But bicycle bells are different …

• Friendly middle aged man concerned for pedestrian safety wants to say ‘be careful I’m about to pass you’ … Ding.
• Psychopathic misambulist^* expressing utter disdain for idiots in their way … Ding.

Sigh. Oh the inarticulateness of the humble bicycle bell.

^* Not a real word (until now) – I just made it up –  it means “pedestrian hater.”