TV torture

If I were elected to office …

I’d honour Australia’s commitment to the UN treaties prohibiting torture, and do something about that notorious torturer of the Australian people, MasterChef.

To this end I would take all the participants of MasterChef (presenters, judges, contestants, producers) and lock them in a room and play an endless loop* of MasterChef to them with all its hyper-mega-ultra over-dramatic superlativisation of the most mundane circumstances, with all its vapid flashbacks, flash forwards and replays, with all its tedious drawn out manufactured ‘suspense’, with all its ridiculous claptrap appraisals of food, with all its crass musical overlay – I’d play it all back to them endlessly until their stomachs churn with retch-inducing convulsions and they promise to never ever ever be involved in the production of such lazy, tired and unimaginative TV ever again.

Vote 1 for me, while I go and chill down.

*Technically, there has been so many hours of this bilious tripe produced that I wouldn’t need to loop it at all.

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #40]

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