I may be an alien. Part 3

Reasons I suspect I may be an alien. Part 3.

I was in a shopping mall the other day and saw a big sign outside a shop advertising something with a big “As seen on TV!” logo. Now I’m guessing that advertisers do this because most people will see this as a positive attribute, and that increased sales will result. For me (possibly being an alien) the words “as seen on TV” is a big red flag that here is a crap product made by a crap company who spends all their money on crap TV advertising.

And what was the product? I have no idea – my attention is lost as soon as I spot “as seen on TV”.

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #79]

I may be an alien. Part 2

Reasons I suspect I may be an alien. Part 2.

T-Shirts with pockets. I like my T-Shirts with pockets, but when I go into a clothing store to buy a T-Shirt with a pocket there is nothing to be seen. I ask a retail assistant if they have any T-shirts with pockets and they look at me as if I had an extra head, or several slimy green tentacles protruding from my torso. After enduring the alien freak-out stare I get directed to the lowest shelf in the furthest corner, behind the discarded packing boxes where there is a grand choice of 2 white T-shirts with pockets in size SSSS or XXXXXXXL. So on to the next shop for another dose of the retail alien freak-out death stare.

I wonder what aliens put in their T-shirt pockets?

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #78]

I may be an alien. Part 1

Reasons I suspect I may be an alien. Part 1.

Sometimes I find myself so at odds with the culture around me that I begin to have suspicions that I may in fact be an alien from Mars with retractable antennas in my head, covertly inserted into human society to gain insight into the human species.

Evidence #1. Whenever guys start talking about cars, they get excited and passionate and voluble and start talking about the latest episode of “Top Gear” with awe and wonderment. I’m left on the outside thinking (because I dare not speak it) that “Top Gear” is a boring show about cars. I just don’t get it. Perhaps I need to adjust the angle of those retractable antennas.

Dene Hughes – Actually I think this means you are the Stig.

[This content was originally posted to Google Buzz, #77]